Beginning Again

It’s been a while since I have logged onto here.

Last Thursday I went to a local coffee shop and plotted out the next, oh I don’t know, thirty years of my life. Not super in-depth. I mostly was looking at the overarching years of my children’s lives from now through their graduating high school. And in doing that, I also calculated my age range, and started realizing, holy cow! I will be getting older! (I’m probably still in that phase of life where you naively think your youth will never end.)

In doing this, I refocused. It was a world-wind year of having our third baby, looking for and buying our first home, packing/moving/updating. I’ve had pretty tunnel-vision in the midst of all this to just accomplish what was right before me. And while there are seasons of life like this, my time at the coffee shop cleared mental fog to realize that time really will move on. And there are some things I want to make sure I am being about as my life progresses.

One of those things is writing. I journal almost every morning and it is a big part of sorting out my mind and heart each day as I follow the routine of praise, confess, pray, and give thanks. But I haven’t blogged in a long time and one of the desires of my heart is to someday write a book that will encourage and bolster believers in their walks.

Another thing I want to be about is bringing up my children well. I was inspired by Val Marie Paper’s intentional prayer journals and started a new Moleskine notebook today, specifically to record prayers for my children. On the first page I wrote the bedtime prayers I pray over our kids. Something I want to do is spend time with my husband thinking about how we are going to be intentional with our family’s vision and values and goals.

The last thing that was clear in my mind, as I thought over the expanse of my life now and in the next years, is that I want to support my husband. He’s a youth pastor, and as a mom of young kids I mostly support his ministry from the outside right now by designing all the flyers he needs and helping with event-brainstorming sessions. I want to make sure I allot value to it when I’m thinking about what to make time for in my weeks.

With the coming weeks bringing a new year – what are some overarching desires of your heart that maybe you have shelved during a busy season, or maybe been hesitant to pursue?

When life in Christ doesn’t feel abundant | Lessons in obedience

You know the parable about the seeds and the soil?

I was reading this parable yesterday — you know, some seeds [God’s Word] fell along the path and were trampled [Satan snatched away the Word from those before they believed and were saved]; some fell on the rock [they believed but fell away once hard times hit]; some fell among thorns [choked as they grew]; and some fell on good soil [believers like you and me, right?].

As I read, I got hung up on Jesus’ explanation of the seeds that fell among thorns. “And as for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked…” 

Choked until they don’t believe anymore, right? These are the plants who fall away from God, just like the ones grew among rocks–right? Because I’ve read this story like a hundred times and the first three examples are of people who don’t stick with their faith, and the fourth an example of the ones who do stick with it.

Right?

“…as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life…”

Okay, yeah, I wouldn’t necessarily have thought that would be what choked them, but sure. They’re tantalized by what the world has to offer and they fall away. It happens.

“…choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature.”

Right. That’s what I said: “And they withered and fell away.”

“…and their fruit does not mature.”

“And they didn’t bear fruit because they withered and fell away.”

“…and their fruit. did. not. MATURE.”

Wait. What did you say?
They didn’t fall away?

You mean they’re still … believers?

“And as for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature.”  (v. 14)

And I’m all like — “Huh. Well, now that you mention it, that kind of sounds like … me.”

And I start thinking — how many of us Christians think we’re plants living the good life in the good soil, when we’re really making our homes among brambles and thorns?

How many believers, other than me, let worries and anxieties, or making an idol of wealth and just the pleasures of this life crowd out – choke out – our capacity to bear mature fruit for God’s kingdom?

These plants were choked. Not to death–just to the point till there’s nothing left for bearing fruit. No joy. No peace. No love. No self control, patience, gentleness. No kindness or goodness. (To reference Paul’s list of spiritual fruit found in Galatians.)

And what is life without joy and peace and love?

It’s not full, I can tell you that much.

I’ve been struggling this past year to figure out where to find real joy. After the hubbub of going to college, graduating, getting married, getting pregnant, and having a baby died down, it was strangely empty inside my heart. And it’s not like I’d recanted my faith or anything, so I was also struggling with wondering what am I doing wrong? I know what I’m searching for somehow is found in Christ, but I’m just … not … finding it there. And I felt like I was looking there — looking to him for the fullness I sought (I was reading my Bible and stuff, after all) — but often feeling a little heartbroken over my consequential emptiness. It was depressing.

Then last week at Life Group a dear-heart said something which went like an arrow straight to my soul. “You know,” she said, “I think the abundant life Christ promised believers is found in obedience.” She said when she’s living in obedience to the Word and the Spirit, those are the most full times in her life — even if they’re nothing particularly special. Times of real joy and abundance.

And I realized, when is the last time I even thought about obeying Christ? 

Because, you know, if you actual read what Jesus said during his life, it’s kind of like “Whoaaa…okay, well, You can’t actually expect me to do that. That’s like basically impossible! I’ll just do some of this other stuff you mentioned that I’m comfortable with.” And in doing so, I kind of write off the lordship of my Lord and end up living in the weeds instead of abiding in the Vine.

And obeying the Spirit’s promptings in my life? Well, a lot of times these “promptings” are not very convenient. And following them would involve some legit discipline and complete trust. And, well, it doesn’t seem like something God would really care about at all! So I normally just write those promptings off as me just telling myself to do (or not do) random stuff.

So after Life Group, I went to find a few verses I knew were hanging around in the New Testament. Verses that are all like, “Alright believer–this is the real deal. Quit fooling yourself.”

John 15:10, “If you keep my commandments, you abide in my love.”
Jn. 15:12, “You are my friends if you do what I command you.”
1 Jn. 2:5b-6, “By this we know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.”

And about the Spirit’s promptings:
1 Jn. 2:20-21, “…but you have been anointed by the Holy One and you have all knowledge. I write to you, not because you do not know the truth, but because you know it, and because no lie is of the truth.”

And just to bring this all full circle (because you’ve stuck with me for so long, it’s the least I can do) —-

The plants in the good soil? They’re the ones who are abiding in Christ through obedience. They are those who, “hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart” (Jn. 8:15). And they, in turn, bear fruit with patience.

It’s not loud or flashy or impressive. It’s more mundane and quiet and heart-wrestling-difficult and a lot of times looks like whispered prayers of “God, I can’t do that, I don’t want to do that, but if you want me to, just get me there.” 

Let me tell you, though — these seeds in the good soil? They are living the good life.

It’s the abundant life.

 

When you’re overwhelmed (maybe this could be an answer?)

I was totally blind sided.

It’s not that I couldn’t handle the pain of labor.

And it’s not that I couldn’t handle some sleepless nights.

It was the sleepless nights on top of recovering from labor. And the emotional intensity of this baby being solely dependent on me for nourishment. And that the only way to make her stop crying was to feed her.

And feeding her hurt. The mental picture it conjured up was a combination of sandpaper and splinters.

So on top of all of that, that I couldn’t just get the chance to catch up on sleep. Mornings were bright and sunny and full of hope. As the sun set around 4:30pm, however, so did my positive outlook on life. Nights scared me. I’m prone to anxiety and it came on full force. I woke up from a nap after it had gotten dark already and it freaked me out. Cried on David’s shoulder. Asked God to just make it all better.

To heal me physically. To take away the anxiety. To make breastfeeding just work.

We prayed a lot those first three weeks.

Sometimes God answers prayers through very practical means. If I hadn’t prayed in the first place, I wouldn’t recognize the answer as an answer, because the provision seemed so every-day normal. You know?

I have nine sister-in-laws and the four that are married represent nineteen children. Two weeks after Lavender was born, that whole side of the family gathered for Thanksgiving — and I took all the motherhood advice I could get.

And one of the most vital things I heard about was this video called The Well Fed, Well Rested Baby.

So you know how you can be scared to share the gospel because it might offend some people? They might not agree with you? Or they might get mad? But it’s good news that brings life and hope, so you push past the uncomfortable and step on their toes and share it anyway?

That’s what I’m about to do. Only it’s not the good news of the gospel, it’s the good news of a schedule, and it’s okay if you don’t agree … because, unlike there being only One way to have a reconciled relationship with God, there is more than one way to care for a newborn baby. And this is just the way that’s worked for us.

But I really believe it is the very practical answer God gave us to all those prayers we prayed.

It’s the Dr. Denmark schedule, aka, the most extreme, all-the-La-Leche-ladies-will-want-your-head, don’t tell your mother what you’re doing (just kidding, Mom) schedule out there … and it brought us hope and rest.

We started it when Lavender was three weeks old. By week four, she was consistently sleeping through the night (10:45pm – 6am). Then she sleeps from 6:45am – 10am, and then 10:45am – 2pm. (This is the 0-3mo schedule.) Every day is different, but this is the norm.

And I’ve been able to recover from labor. 

Because you know how freaking hard labor is? My husband put it like this: Men go to war and women have babies. It’s nothing to sneeze and it takes time to recover from and I was not able to fully care for our baby until I had recovered from it. You’re not being selfish. It’s not bad to put your needs before you’re baby’s needs sometimes. You know how on an airplane, the instructional safety people always instruct to put your little yellow air ventilator thing on first, before helping the person besides you? And I was always like, well that seems inconsiderate and self-centered, but it’s not, because if you try to help the kid next to you first but pass out before you can finish strapping the thing on, then who are you really helping anyway?

This is like that. Only there’s no airplane involved.

It’s okay to let your baby cry some in order to teach her to sleep during the night.

And let me tell you, we let her cry a lot that first week on the schedule. But she’s healthy and she’s happy and I’m happy and she’s gaining weight, I promise. We used to give her gas drops after every feeding, but now we don’t have to — partially because she’s older and her digestion system has matured some and partially because I don’t put new milk on top of un-digested milk anymore.

I’ve learned that you can literally find an opinion from every different direction when it comes to caring for a newborn baby. You kind of just have to do your research and then go with your gut.

Because you’re the mom here, bub, and you really do know what’s best for you wee little one.

Adopting this schedule (plus finally figuring out that L had a moderate tongue tie) has enabled me to keep breastfeeding Lavender and has restored peace to our lives. I can enjoy these quickly-fleeting days of caring for L as an infant. And I wouldn’t have said anything, except I’m thinking there might just be one other person out there who’s been praying those very same prayers I was praying. And they might appreciate learning what I learned. And so for that, I’ll go ahead a step on a couple toes.

***

Dr. Leila Denmark (1989-2012) was a pediatrician for sixty-four years, until the age of 103. She is credited for being the co-developer of the pertussis (whooping cough) vaccine in the 1920’s-30’s and was one of the first pediatricians to object to smoking around children.

“When I was a child, there was no such thing as a baby doctor on earth,” Dr. Denmark said in an interview. “We had very little medicine, very little surgery, no immunisations and no baby food. Yet the children weren’t sick like they are today because their mothers fed them right.” Although Dr. Denmark, due to failing eye sight, stopped her practice at the age of 103, she continued giving mothers over-the-phone medical advice for an additional seven years. Leila Denmark believed that motherhood is one of the most important jobs on earth.